In the midst of things part 1

	In the midst of everything, I was becoming a man. Years had passed and now it was time for me to leave home start university and begin my journey of self-discovery. Time was running short as September sneaked upon me; this was a life changing decision, for my family and me. I was moving to Liverpool. I was to start a new life and to begin my journalism course. The journalism course at Liverpool University was well sought after and I got in 1 out of 1500 that applied I was accepted. You might be thinking big whoop, everyone eventually goes to university and gets on with life. But for me it was a struggle and for that reason alone I write a story of why this may never had happened for me. A story of how I was guided by the right people, distracted by the wrong people and ruined my teenage years with hardship and growing up in the east end of Glasgow. My mum once told me anything was possible but just don't get stuck in Glasgow, find a way out as soon as you can and live your life. Everyone I ever knew, cared and loved lived near me. And for generations it was always the same you leave school find work support your mother and live in the same house until you can find a place of your own. This was the way it was the way it always seemed to be and I was about to change that. I was leaving on September the first and my friends came to see me off, firstly there was James. James was a great mate; he got into some trouble but never seemed to show fear. This was great if anyone ever crossed our paths that seemed a bit dodgy or even if he just wanted to scare him or her off. He liked to let people know he was the boss. I don't actually know if James could fight. Then came Darren, the daring friend. We used to do some crazy shit together and he was my best friend. He never showed much emotion when I was leaving but we both knew it would be hard on both of us to say goodbye. The area I live in is small and everyone knew about my success story so I was pleased with the amount of support I got. As I travelled down the motorway towards the border I was thinking of back home. I was thinking of how I would never see them unless I visit or they visit me. I was thinking about the random midnight walks through the schemes and some of the pranks we used to pull on the older members of the gang. Times where fun in Glasgow but memories of family life flooded my head. This is when it gets difficult. These are the people I tried to escape from and they held me back. For years I tried to get out and study but I had to work because I'm poor. The phrase working class comes to mind. Imagine working class but lower so low in fact we needed to starve ourselves on many occasions and to stop my mum being depressed she developed a drug habit so any money we got went with a click of the fingers and that's the way it was and I thought would always be. We had a two bed roomed house for the four. It was a bit squashed but my sisters and me always supported each other. My three sisters are older than I am and work in the local shop. My sisters are well known and liked by everyone so I sort of lived on there reputation. It wasn't a bad reputation, due to likeability factor I was popular and I?m not complaining about it. I often got a wave and a nod from people I never knew, I assumed they knew my sisters then gave a wave back. One day in the middle of winter about 6 years ago there was a fire that devastated three buildings on my road two of my closest friends died. I was only fourteen and never really dealt with death before so I cried and went to the funeral and cried some more. The walk from the church down my street was so atmospheric. The car with the coffin in it went first and we walked behind it, the car went through the street with the now demolished building. Nosey neighbours flocked the streets and windows to see Daniel and Richard off. It was so upsetting and momentarily everyone started to cry, my mum squeezed my hand and we continued walking forward until the end of the road. The car went straight towards the grave yard and we stood in silence until the coffin lowered into the ground, I threw the dirt on the lid and said my goodbyes I turned and faced the crowd of people and my friends mothers, it was overwhelming and I fell to my knees in a silent cry, two older kids from my street ran forward and comforted me. The same night we took a walk through the graveyard once more. The older guys I met were very kind to me and I think they wanted to stay friends. I knew them but not that well and stayed civil to them. Through time they became a sort of replacement for Daniel and Richard It was my sixteenth birthday and James and Darren showed up with presents. It was rare to get presents in my house. My mum always just gave me money but not much about 3 sometimes 5 pounds on a good year. One time on my fourth birthday my mum gave me five-pound coins in a card, I swallowed one of the coins and had to go into Accident and emergency at the royal infirmary. The doctor told me I had to poop it out I found this intriguing obviously being four and quite a hyperactive child. I remember my dad came to see me after I went home because my mum told him I went to hospital. That was the last time I saw him my whole childhood and now I have a distant memory of his face. I don't really know if he's dead or alive I'm hoping to find out one day. The celebration of my 16th went on for a while so me Darren and James went a walk to the graveyard. Walking through the schemes by the old shops all boarded up with shutters and metal doors. The shops and the flats above the shops are being pulled down in a week. I used to hang about up the close behind the shops and drink cider with some mates and talk about stupid random people we disliked and said what we would do to them if they crossed our paths. By chance we happened to run into the local boys who hated us on a major scale because James happened to beat up a week before. Now he had back up. We couldn't handle six guys when there were just us three. We ran. Through the park into the lane with very little lighting, the guys perused us until we had to split up. They came after me and I sprinted down by the river to hide at the bridge. I ran through the bridge toward the train station. The graffiti covered walls were just a flash to me as I kept running. Eventually I turned around and the boys were gone. Maybe they realised that one against six was a bit unfair but somehow I doubt it. I started walking towards my house to get both my friends. I walked back through the lane and down by the shops trying to avoid confrontation but to no avail. Waiting on me were six guys who had James and Darren up against the wall. I ran and started punching the tallest lad there, screaming to let them go. They all started attacking me at once. And it turned into a proper fight. Two of the guys ran off until it was four on three and we punched and kicked our way through them then ran towards my house. The park was dark and as we walked with a speed through toward the flats where I lived. We got into my close. My face was covered in blood and my eyes swollen. James was in pain and kept holding his rib cage, he seemed okay but Darren and me took him inside to get him seen too. Darren wasn't that hurt he had a sore face but I think James and myself took the brunt of it. That was intended as Darren wasn't much of a fighter and was the quiet one. My mum was out of sight when we headed to the kitchen and took off James shirt. There was blood, a lot of blood. I went into panic. Was he stabbed? Did he get stabbed? I called in my mum. My mum was clearly drunk and on some sort of drug but I needed her. We showed her. James doesn't remember what happened and started to get dizzy. We phoned an ambulance. Soon after we were in the hospital, I joked saying this place was my second home. James was fine just a minor slit so the panic was over. In the east end of Glasgow no one told the police anything that happened and we learned to keep our mouths shut about the knife incident because that could cause more trouble. The social services would end up getting involved and that's the last thing anyone wanted. Three days later the gang walked down to the river to chill out, have a bit of a giggle and maybe a drink. James and Darren told me they signed on to the brew. Basically they would get money for doing nothing. I didn't have this option as I was still at school. I depended on my mum for spare cash so a lot of the time I had nothing. This is just the way it always seemed to be, when you got money you left my bit no one with a decent wage dared stay near the east. That night flew passed and we ended up all drunk on cheap cider. Some more guys came down and sat with us, we knew then a little but not well enough to trust them. They asked us if we wanted to buy pills. James and Darren agreed and bought ten. I took two. This wasn't a bad thing. I never tried drugs before and was never taught of the dangers so I just got a kick from it and it became a regular thing. My mum never seemed to notice anything wrong with me, I came in the house barley standing and she didn't even notice. My sisters did though. My oldest sister Cheryl told me that I was more than drunk and she could see it in my eyes. With drugs came danger and many sleepless nights. She told me that it can lead to mental exhaustion but I ignored this fact and continued down this road to ruin. Every weekend the same thing vodka and pills, pills and vodka eventually leading to violence stupidity and wasted weekends. From pills to a better kick I tried the lot. I got so hooked on cocaine I used to try sell my things to earn money to buy my daily fix. I loved the buzz you got. I didn't like the reputation that followed though. Like mother like son folk would say. This I couldn't handle and if I ever heard people talking about me or my mates or my own mum I used to get so offended and start fights. This was a massive sign of how much I had changed due to drugs. People noticed a change in my attitude and a change in my appearance, speech and schoolwork. I was becoming reckless, a beast of a boy. I despised myself. Obviously being young and naive I didn't see the path I was taken and went along for the ride until one year later when my world came crashing down around me.